Magdalyn Elizabeth, 4:19 am January 19th, 7lbs 12 oz, 21 in.

For the two weeks before my due date I was very stressed with school commitments and holiday and birthday parties. I kept praying the little person inhabiting my body would just hang tight for another month. I was nervous about Noah’s reaction and sad that he wouldn’t be my “baby” any longer. In the days before Maggie was born things got even more stressful.  I fell down the stairs two days before my due date and Teran kept harassing telling me all weekend that I needed to call Lynn (my midwife) to tell her what happened. She could tell I was getting annoyed because I felt fine aside from some bumps and bruises. So on Sunday night we made a compromise that she would call her sister Maureen (who was my Bradley Instructor) and if Mo thought I should call I would call. Well, of course Mo agreed with Teran and offered up one more piece of advice that Teran warned me I probably didn’t want to hear. “Tell Christina to go get a relaxing foot massage, practice her yoga breathing, and have a chat with the baby.” To which I responded, “Is she CRAZY? If I relax I might go into labor!”

The next morning was my due date, January 18th. We had been up with Noah all night because he had a stomach bug that he caught from a party so once we were up and moving I called Lynn to tell her about my fall and quickly felt terrible about not calling sooner. The girls were off school because of MLK day and Steve stayed home from work to help me because I was really sore from the fall. There was no way I could take care of Noah by myself. We had a very low key day, just laying around watching TV and resting.  Around lunch time I had this realization that I just needed to let go of everything that was stressing me out. That the baby was going to come whenever he/she wanted to. It wasn’t up to me. So, I took Mo’s advice. I took a nice long bath, had a chat with Little Miss and told her I was ready for her whenever she was ready to meet us. When I was done I went downstairs and had Steve rub my feet while we watched a couple TV shows. We layed on the couch and laughed at the baby hiccuping for well over a half hour.

Around 4:30 pm I started feeling nauseous. I knew I was getting whatever Noah had, but I told Steve to go ahead and go to bowling and we would be fine until he got home. I was feeling worse as the night went along so I rushed to get all the kids to bed by 7:00.  I took another bath because that is the only thing that kept my stomach calm and crawled into bed around 8:00. As long as I was laying completely still I didn’t feel the need to get sick. Around 10:00pm I noticed that every once in awhile a contraction would wake me up, but I didn’t think too much about it. At 11:30 I couldn’t lay still any longer because the contractions were waking me up more frequently so I got up to go to the bathroom and got sick for the first time.  I went back to bed and for the next hour and a half I slept between contractions and it still wasn’t registering that maybe I was in labor.

At 1:00 am, January 19th, I woke up to get sick again and when I went to the bathroom I had some “bloody show.”  I believe the words, “Oh, shit!” came out of my mouth rather loudy in the bathroom and I waddled my way into the bedroom where Steve was sleeping. I woke him up and told him I was in labor. With all my other pregnancies I never had any sort of bloody show until I was well into labor, so I just knew it was the real thing.  Steve asked if I was serious and I said, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” I started letting my birth team know it was time by first sending a text to them all. Antonette called me and I can’t remember the exact words that we exchanged but I do remember telling her I wasn’t sure if I needed everyone to come yet, but she was going to head over anyway.  At 1:45am I started to get a little nervous that if things went as fast as they had with Noah everyone may not make it in time.

I called Lynn and then texted Amy so that they would be on their way and Steve called Eileen. When we were both off the phone we opened up our birth kit and got out the plastic sheet and spare set of sheets to get the bed ready. When that was done I started filling up the bathtub because my contractions were getting much more uncomfortable and I wasn’t able to talk through them anymore. They were anywhere from 2-4 minutes apart. All I wanted was to relax in the tub.

I came downstairs to wait for everyone while the tub was filling. When Antonette got here I remembered how sick Noah had been and how sick I was shortly before labor (which seemed to vanish once I realized I was in labor. It was like my body had something else to focus on rather than being sick). I didn’t want anyone else getting sick, so after leaning down against the kitchen counter during a contraction I pulled out the Lysol spray and wipes from under the sink. Antonette asked me right away what I needed her to do for me. My response? “Lysol my house, please! I don’t want anyone else puking!” She stared at me a little dumbfounded for a minute, but did what I asked I was working through the contractions in the kitchen and then started walking through the downstairs looking for things to keep me busy. I cleaned the bathroom mirror and sink and then went back upstairs to check on the status of my bath. I didn’t want to get in the water until Lynn was here though because I was nervous things would move quicker.

Shortly after Lynn arrived she and I went upstairs to check out the baby. I layed down on the bed and she got the doppler out to listen. It wasn’t working very well so she asked if she could go ahead and do a vaginal exam. I layed back and closed my eyes while she checked me. She said, “Great, you’re 6cm…”  *giant pause* “and, that’s the baby’s butt I’m feeling.” My eyes flew open and I said, ” You have GOT to be kidding me.”

Lynn said we needed to head to the hospital to get an ultrasound to confirm it. I asked if we would be able to come back home if by any chance the baby really wasn’t breech and she said if we had the time, but in the back of my mind I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I was losing my homebirth. Lynn headed downstairs to call ahead to Labor and Delivery and I just stared at my birth kit all packed up still sitting under the window in our room. I snapped out of it and found the hospital bag I had packed “just in case” but was so sure I wasn’t going to need and walked out of my bedroom.  I paused outside the bathroom door when I noticed my nice warm bath still sitting there waiting.

I got downstairs and by this time Amy and Eileen were both here as well and everyone was just kind of staring at me. I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted to cry, but I also knew that I needed to hold it together so I could think about the questions I needed to ask once were there and stay calm enough to still have options to make this the best birth it could be. I tried waking the girls up a little just to tell them we were leaving and then Antonette and I walked out to the car first. I turned and asked her if there were things we could do at this point to even try to turn the baby.  She said it didn’t sound like that was going to be an option. She sat in the back seat and held my hand the whole way to the hospital.

When we were walking in Lynn told me that Dr. Bulger will sometimes do breech vaginal births, so that gave me a little hope to hold on to.  L&D knew we were coming so when we got into the ER they called up and a nurse came down to get us.  This is when things start to get a little blurry for me. Everything was happening so quickly. We got into a little room and I changed into a hospital gown.  I put my Ipod on and was listening to my OM (a CD we listen to at yoga).  Dr. Bulger and Dr. Wolfe were there because Dr. Bulger doesn’t do c-sections.  I was given a shot of terbutaline to stop my contractions and checked again by both doctors. Which I must say, was probably the most violating and uncomfortable part of the entire experience. I’m still not quiet sure why both of them felt the need to do a cervical check. We had an ultrasound that confirmed her head was way up under my left rib and she was still at a -2 station.  They explained to me why doing a version wasn’t safe at this point and then we started talking about the option of a breech vaginal birth. Honestly, I was really surprised that it was even something they would consider. The only thing I remember about the conversation was Dr. Wolfe saying something about the posibility of her body coming out and then my cervix closing around her neck.  At one point I sat up in bed because I was having a contraction and her heart rate dropped on the monitor. That was the point for me where I knew I needed to start being informed of what would happen during the c-section and let them know the things I wanted done in the OR instead of still talking about the vaginal birth.

Fortunately, the nurses and doctors we had were very sympathetic to the fact that we were in the exact opposite place we wanted to be. This was as far from the birth we planned as you could get and they were very accomodating to our needs/desires. They all stayed right next to my bed and kept me a part of the whole process. They allowed Steve, Lynn, and Eileen to go into the OR with me. The baby’s sex was still a secret so we told them we didn’t want anyone to blurt out what it was. We wanted to be the first to know.  Although, little did we know Lynn discoved the sex during my exam at the house! LOL I wanted the baby skin to skin with Steve if she couldn’t be skin to skin with me.

They took me to the OR first in a wheel chair and all I remember is how freezing cold it was the minute we walked through the door. My anesthesiologist was awesome. He kept me laughing and jokingly suggested that Carla was a great name (his name was Carlos) if the baby was a girl.  The scariest part of the birth for me was right after my spinal was placed. They laid me down very quickly so the medicine would distribute evenly.  I started feeling like I was trapped in my own body. I still felt like I could move, but couldn’t actually move. I could tell I was still breathing but it felt like something heavy was on my chest. Finally they let Steve, Lynn, and Eileen in to be with me.  We were joking about how ridiculous it was that Steve had to wear a hair net.

Everything went much faster than I expected. I kept asking Steve to look and tell me what was going on, but he didn’t want to. I asked for a mirror and still couldn’t see anything because of the placement of the nurses and doctors. I was getting so frustrated that I couldn’t actually watch her being born. I didn’t care about the blood or the fact that I was being cut open. I just wanted to see her come out.  When Steve said he would look I asked Lynn if she would check to see how close it was.  In one of the pictures you can see my anesthesiologist pointing to the left because he was telling me to look that way because she was almost out.

As soon as they pulled her out, at 4:19 am, the nurse brought her around to us so we could peek between her legs. I reached out and moved her leg and said, “I knew it!” From the very beginning I knew she was a girl. I also remember thinking, “She doesn’t look like any of the names we have picked.” They took her and wiped her off a bit and then brought her back over and tucked her inside of Steve’s scrubs while they finished closing me up.  I started feeling something very strange. I can’t describe the feeling, but it made me very curious about what they were doing. I asked Lynn if  she would tell me what they were doing. She looked and leaned down close to me and said, “I don’t think you want to know.” I did want to know though! She told me my uterus was out and sitting on my abdomen. It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t see what they were doing! I was so curious about the whole procedure.

The whole time Maggie was snuggled in his scrubs, both Steve and I were trying to get a little peek at her, but you can see in the pictures that all we could see was one little eye and an ear. As much as I wanted to see her face I was so glad she was getting that bonding time with her daddy. We could all hear her smacking her lips and Steve jokingly told her she wasn’t going to get what she was looking for from him!

When it was almost time to head to recovery they swaddled our little un-named beauty and finally handed her to me to hold. She had the most perfect little round face and it was like looking at Addison all over again. She’s identical to her very proud big sister.  As soon as we got into recovery they sat my bed up so I could nurse her and start getting to know this new little person. She latched on right away and it was clear to me right from the start that she was not a Charlotte, a Lilly, a Maegan, or a Julianne.  I knew that I was going to need some time to get to know her before she would have a name.  She still doesn’t have the name that I feel she was meant to have, but I didn’t feel it was fair to Steve to make him settle on something he didn’t like. She’s still our Maggie, no matter what the longer version of her name may be.

Eventhough her birth was the birth I feared the most I’m very at peace with how she came into the world. I feel that she came to us how she needed to come to us and I’m really ok with how everything played out. I felt like I was an active participant in every decision that was made and was able to make her birth just as beautiful as it would have been at home, only in a different way.  I still mourn my homebirth. I still can’t bring myself to unpack my birth kit.  Everytime I look at my bathtub it brings me back to that night and me walking out of the house leaving it full of warm water. I get a little teary thinking about how things could have been, but then when I look at all of the pictures of my birth I see how genuinely happy I was and I know that everything happened exactly as it was meant to happen. 

Thanks to our awesome friend, Eileen, we can relive this day anytime we want with nearly 300 amazing pictures. She captured every moment perfectly. I wish I could put captions on all the pictures b/c there’s something I could say about the moment each of them was taken. They begin with us leaving the house and end with us in recovery. If you want to see all of our pictures from the birth this is the link:

http://traditionsphotography.morephotos.com/mp_client/pictures_welcome.asp?categories=no&keywords2=no&eventid=25047

So, I about died laughing when Addison came home today with this work sheet:

As she handed it to me she said very matter-of-factly, “Well, I made the goose rainbow because I’ve never seen a rainbow goose and I wanted to see one.”

Oh, and while we’re looking at the picture-who gives a pre-K kid a work sheet with a picture of a gun on it? Couldn’t they come up with something better? Goat? Grapes? Grandma?

When I went to my midwife for my first prenatal appointment I had to fill out the standard mess of paperwork. One of those papers stated I needed to decide then whether or not I wanted a 3D ultrasound for an extra fee that would not be covered by insurance. This is our last baby. It was a very unplanned pregnancy so the bonding I felt right from the beginning with this baby has been minimal. Because of this there was never a doubt in my mind that we would do the 3D. I didn’t want to know the sex this time around so getting a small glimpse at his/her face has been on my mind for months. 

We went in the room and as soon as she put the wand on my belly the tech says, “The baby’s hands are up in front of the face so there are going to be a lot of black shadows. ” She showed us a foot once and a hand once. The rest of the time was spent hovering around trying to get some face shots. Everything was a big blurry mess. I don’t know if the quality of their machine is bad or if the tech was just bored with trying and didn’t really care what she gave us as long as she gave us something, but whatever the reason I feel completely cheated out of my time and money. I do remember thinking at one point that the baby resembles Noah and that it had chubby cheeks, but I watch the video back that the tech gave us and none of those clearer shots are even on there.  I don’t know what the hell she was recording, but most of the time you can’t even tell it’s a baby. Steve and I sat here tonight trying to make light of the situation a bit and managed to come up with about 10 other things the baby looked like, a pumpkin, a cat, and Michael Jackson, to name a few. It was like when you lay and watch clouds and make pictures out of them.

When we had our regular 20 week ultrasound this same tech did a great job explaining what everything was that we were looking at, but she gave us a couple of mediocre pictures. I went through the video and took still screen shots to get some great pics to show people. I was hoping to be able to do the same this time around, but there’s nothing. It’s a big blur of sepia tones.  I will be mentioning to my midwife at my next appointment (in TWO weeks. Holy crap I’m on bi-weekly appointments now!) that they need to show sample pictures of what to expect during this ultrasound because had I known how poor the quality would be there’s no way I would ever done it. I can think of a heck of a lot of other things to spend $100 on. I left there in tears and have been crying on and off all night. I keep staring at the pictures trying to feel something. Trying to see something. If you look closely at a few of them you can make out some blurry facial features, but after Googling 3D ultrasound images and staring in wonder at the pictures other woman got to see of their babies it just makes me even more upset.

Some of you are probably reading this thinking, “Well, that sucks but it doesn’t sound nearly as bad as she’s making it out to be.”  What else was going on in the room while getting this totally shitty ultrasound?

Alaina was hiding behind a chair crying because the baby was “scary” and “looked like a witch.”  She refused to look at the screen. She whimpered the entire time she wasn’t crying and was trying to pull herself up onto the table with me. A table, mind you, that barely I fit on by myself. She was too hot. She was too tired. She wanted to go play in the waiting room. Should I keep going?? I think the fact that this baby is real came crashing into her brain when that ultrasound machine came on and we’ve been dealing with the fall out all night. I’m trying to stay patient with her and I know I need to address these fears and concerns that she’s acting out, but I could barely keep myself from being weepy all night so I knew I would just get frustrated with her if I tried to get to the bottom of her fears tonight.

Addison was laying across two chairs pretending she was sleeping and loudly fake snoring. Then she had to go potty. Then she looked at the screen for about 30 seconds. Then she had to go potty. Followed by more fake snoring and sleeping.

Noah. Well, Noah was being Noah. Most of you have had the pleasure of meeting and spending at least 5 minutes with my little man. He’s an adorable pain in the ass.

Then Steve got a work related phone call halfway through letting him know that while he was gone a worker hit a gas line out on his project that completely shut down 33 in front of Concord Mall. So then I start worrying about how the hell I’m going to figure out how to get home. Elkhart and I do not get along when it comes to driving directions.

Oh, and the baby’s breech. And I had to get labs drawn. All around craptastic day.

My pre-k kid spent computer class sitting in the office. That’s right, at the ripe old age of 4 Addison has already experienced her first trip to the office.

When I went to pick her up yesterday her teacher pulled me off to the side and told me she had a small problem with Addi. I assumed Addison had either peed her pants or had a major meltdown because something hadn’t gone her way. These are everyday occurrences in our house with Addison. She’s a pretty sensitive kid and tends to over react to things easily. But, she’s also a kid who is set in her ways and doesn’t let anyone push her around, which is what got her in trouble this time.

The “special” class of the day yesterday was Computers. She has made it perfectly clear on more than one occasion that she does not like this class, going so far as to tell me, in a very matter-of-fact voice, yesterday morning, “I’m NOT going to computer class today.” I should have sensed trouble right then.  They got into the classroom and Addison refused to sit at a computer, telling the computer teacher that she didn’t want to play on the computer. After much prodding the computer teacher finally gave her a choice, which I assume is what Addison was waiting for. See, last year she was in a Montessori setting. She THRIVED there, and I am starting to regret switching her to Holy Cross. But, that’s another story in itself.

Her choice? Either sit at the computer and play Kid Pix or sit in the office for the duration of computer class. Addison’s response? “I’d like to sit in the office.” She is so not MY kid.What kid doesn’t like Kid Pix? Addison, that’s who. She would rather sit with real markers, crayons, stamps, pencils, etc and create art. She’s a very hands on kid and I can respect her preference, but I’m trying to balance that with also teaching her that she needs to respect her teachers and at least try some new things at her new school.

I asked her why she chose to sit in the office and her rambling went something like this, ” All they wanted me to do was sit there and use colors and stamps and put trees on the screen.  And I only want to play games on the computer at home. And I only want YOU to learn me how to use the computer. And, in the office I can just sit there and relax.”

It took everything I had not to crack up. I walked back over and informed her teacher that she actually enjoyed her trip to the office. She chuckled a little and said, “Well, I guess we won’t be doing that again.” Great. Can’t wait to see what her next “punishment” will be.

Thumbs up:

• Coming home with 2lbs of chocolate covered gummy bears
• Swapping plants with my aunt, that I’m sure to kill
• Noah learning how to clap, and now doing it everytime we say, “Yeah!”
• Noah blowing raspberries at me for the first time while trying to get a tsp of Motrin in his mouth.
• Lainey kissing a giraffe for her birthday
• Spending time with family we haven’t seen in over a year
• Noah playing peek a boo with his blanket on the way home.(the ONE cute moment of the entire car ride for him)
• Coming home with suitcases full of CLEAN laundry.
• Having time to read and entire Sookie Stackhouse book on the car ride home.
• Watching the girls dance at the reception. Addison suckered some woman into being her dance partner all.night.long.

Thumbs down:

• Noah having an ear infection for the whole trip.
• Paying $20 for a crappy pedicure that lasted 4 hours. Apparently they’ve never heard of using a top coat.
• Forgetting to bring Noah’s highchair
• Untangling a huge bunch of balloons when you realize you only have an hour and 15 minutes until the wedding you are attending starts.
• Finding every piece of food I thought Noah ate either under his bum or smooshed into the van floor.
• An odd rash Noah got on his legs after a day of sprinkler fun.
• North Carolina BBQ.  Bleck.

After Steve and I had a good laugh about it last night we decided to teach her how to draw clothes on her stick people.

A couple weeks ago one of the members of my Mothers and More group did a meeting topic on “shopping for free” I had been looking forward to this meeting for weeks. I’ve always been intrigued by people who can walk into CVS and walk out with more money than they went in with. I just didn’t GET it. Unfortunately, due to a completely horrid free pancake day at IHOP and a husband tied to work I wasn’t able to make my meeting. I did get my hands on a flier though and started out by typing on the first link I found on the paper, Money Saving Mom.  Never did I think I could be this excited about grocery shopping! I started printing coupons and thanks to Money Saving Mom I stumbled upon A Full Cup, where I learned to get some smokin’ deals at Target. I never in a million years thought I could walk into a Target and walk out spending less than $50. It’s NEVER happened before. This week I went into Target and spent $28.33 on $51.13 worth of groceries.

I’ll be back later to post what I got and the prices. It feels so good knowing how much I’m helping my family right now by making our money stretch a little further. So, thanks to all you fellow moms out there who put so much time and effort into posting deals, coupons, and tutorials on how to get started. I’ve been studying up and hope I’m half as good at the shopping gig someday!

Me: I’m going on a date.

Alaina: With who??

M: With Daddy

A: Eeeewe, you can’t do that Mom, you guys are MARRIED.

Then she proceeded to rant for 10 minutes that she never wants to get married or date.  I told her her father would appreciate that.

“Mom, Noah isn’t happy right now and he needs some love. We’re making him laugh.”

My response? Fine. Cleaning can wait a little while. How could I say no to that?

There’s the whole Christmas whirlwind. I might share some pics if I get brave enough to relive the madness of the day by searching through the folder for one or two that aren’t burry from the kids not sitting still for more than half a second.  The kids got entirely too much new crap and I still haven’t found some place to store most of it.

Addison turned 4 on December 30th and decided two days before her birthday that she wanted friends over for dinner ON her birthday. Usually I throw a party for her in mid January so we have more than 5 days to recover from Christmas.  I threw together a cake which looked positively hideous compared to most of the others I’ve done and then Bella ate 1/3 of it while Steve was “watching” the kids so I could run to the store. Apparently he can only watch the kids, not the dog too.

New Years Eve we went to the Second Annual Littell Family Party. The kids ran around the basement going bonkers while the grown ups played with James’ breathalyzer (he is a SB cop) and drank yummy drinks made by our own personal bartender, Michael LOL. Tracy is one lucky girl to have married a man that can mix up the best drinks in town.

The main reason I haven’t been around for a couple months is poor little Noey has been so sick. That kid just can’t catch a break. It all started about a week before Christmas with a cold. It turned into an ear infection. After antibiotics it still hadn’t cleared up all the way.  Long story short, he was exposed to dairy twice which threw him into 2 more ear infections. This last time the ear infection was accompanied by an upper and lower respiratory infection and possible bronchitis. He still has a cough, but he’s back to sleeping through the night and being my smiley happy baby.

More on the Noah front: He had his 6 month check up last week inbetween a couple sick visits (we’ve been to the dr. about 12 times in 2 months.) He was 21lbs and 29 inches. 98% for height, 94% for weight. He started sitting up around 5.5 months just like his big sister Lainey. I was wondering if he’d be more like Alaina or Addi, who didn’t sit up until she was 8 months! In the last couple days he’s been rolling all over the family room and getting into trouble. The girls are in for a rude awakening now.

He’s loving eating real food, and his favorites are pasta, chicken, bananas, and pears. Although, he will pretty much eat anything that is on a spoon on it’s way to his mouth. Except avocado, not a big fan which I can’t say I blame him, Yuck!

He’s been a little booger about nursing, and I’ve been exclusively pumping for about a month now. I’m finally getting him back to nursing a little which is a relief b/c as awesome as my (well, Amy’s) pump is I’m tired of being tied to it 4 times a day. I’d rather be tied to my baby.