When you’re little Christmas morning is something you look forward to for months. Heck, I’m almost 30 years old and still haven’t stopped! You dream about those packages under the tree and try to imagine what will be inside them. It’s one of the most exciting days of the year! So, imagine when you wake up and run to the tree and every single present you open is socks. Not even pretty, fuzzy, cozy socks. Plain white ankle socks. That was today in a nutshell.
When I went to my midwife for my first prenatal appointment I had to fill out the standard mess of paperwork. One of those papers stated I needed to decide then whether or not I wanted a 3D ultrasound for an extra fee that would not be covered by insurance. This is our last baby. It was a very unplanned pregnancy so the bonding I felt right from the beginning with this baby has been minimal. Because of this there was never a doubt in my mind that we would do the 3D. I didn’t want to know the sex this time around so getting a small glimpse at his/her face has been on my mind for months.
We went in the room and as soon as she put the wand on my belly the tech says, “The baby’s hands are up in front of the face so there are going to be a lot of black shadows. ” She showed us a foot once and a hand once. The rest of the time was spent hovering around trying to get some face shots. Everything was a big blurry mess. I don’t know if the quality of their machine is bad or if the tech was just bored with trying and didn’t really care what she gave us as long as she gave us something, but whatever the reason I feel completely cheated out of my time and money. I do remember thinking at one point that the baby resembles Noah and that it had chubby cheeks, but I watch the video back that the tech gave us and none of those clearer shots are even on there. I don’t know what the hell she was recording, but most of the time you can’t even tell it’s a baby. Steve and I sat here tonight trying to make light of the situation a bit and managed to come up with about 10 other things the baby looked like, a pumpkin, a cat, and Michael Jackson, to name a few. It was like when you lay and watch clouds and make pictures out of them.
When we had our regular 20 week ultrasound this same tech did a great job explaining what everything was that we were looking at, but she gave us a couple of mediocre pictures. I went through the video and took still screen shots to get some great pics to show people. I was hoping to be able to do the same this time around, but there’s nothing. It’s a big blur of sepia tones. I will be mentioning to my midwife at my next appointment (in TWO weeks. Holy crap I’m on bi-weekly appointments now!) that they need to show sample pictures of what to expect during this ultrasound because had I known how poor the quality would be there’s no way I would ever done it. I can think of a heck of a lot of other things to spend $100 on. I left there in tears and have been crying on and off all night. I keep staring at the pictures trying to feel something. Trying to see something. If you look closely at a few of them you can make out some blurry facial features, but after Googling 3D ultrasound images and staring in wonder at the pictures other woman got to see of their babies it just makes me even more upset.
Some of you are probably reading this thinking, “Well, that sucks but it doesn’t sound nearly as bad as she’s making it out to be.” What else was going on in the room while getting this totally shitty ultrasound?
Alaina was hiding behind a chair crying because the baby was “scary” and “looked like a witch.” She refused to look at the screen. She whimpered the entire time she wasn’t crying and was trying to pull herself up onto the table with me. A table, mind you, that barely I fit on by myself. She was too hot. She was too tired. She wanted to go play in the waiting room. Should I keep going?? I think the fact that this baby is real came crashing into her brain when that ultrasound machine came on and we’ve been dealing with the fall out all night. I’m trying to stay patient with her and I know I need to address these fears and concerns that she’s acting out, but I could barely keep myself from being weepy all night so I knew I would just get frustrated with her if I tried to get to the bottom of her fears tonight.
Addison was laying across two chairs pretending she was sleeping and loudly fake snoring. Then she had to go potty. Then she looked at the screen for about 30 seconds. Then she had to go potty. Followed by more fake snoring and sleeping.
Noah. Well, Noah was being Noah. Most of you have had the pleasure of meeting and spending at least 5 minutes with my little man. He’s an adorable pain in the ass.
Then Steve got a work related phone call halfway through letting him know that while he was gone a worker hit a gas line out on his project that completely shut down 33 in front of Concord Mall. So then I start worrying about how the hell I’m going to figure out how to get home. Elkhart and I do not get along when it comes to driving directions.
Oh, and the baby’s breech. And I had to get labs drawn. All around craptastic day.