A bittersweet day

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A few days after my 31st birthday last June I had an odd feeling. Not sure what it was, but I had the overwhelming feeling I should take a pregnancy test and I’m not sure why I was so shocked by the results! I moved from shocked to pure excitement in a few short minutes and immediately figured out my due date…February 23, 2012. It was a HUGE surprise, but for an only child who has always longed for a large family I couldn’t help but be excited along with the worry of how we would squeeze one more body into our already cozy house. Steve wasn’t nearly as thrilled as I was! Lol

As any expectant parent knows from the moment that little pink plus sign appears you start visualizing that child’s future. You have feelings on gender, and names, and hair color. Who he will look like, which sibling he’ll act like. I had a blissful three days day dreaming of our new baby, but we didn’t run out and tell everyone like before. We told just a handful of people because we worried a lot about the judgement that was sure to follow. We felt it with Maggie so it was only expected to happen with a 5th child!

On June 19th we had a fun evening with neighbors, joking around about another baby, playing games, and letting the kids enjoy a movie night with friends. When our neighbors left I realized I was spotting. That happened with Alaina so while I was a bit worried I wasn’t thinking the worst. I ran to the store and bought another pregnancy test and let a out a sigh of relief when the pink lines showed up immediately. I went to bed, and slept well but when I woke up the next morning I just knew I was miscarrying.

I called my midwife and my family doctor, had blood work done, and learned my hormone levels were close to zero. It was confusing how I had even gotten a positive the night before. Along with my hormone levels we tested some other things and I learned that my thyroid was out of whack, higher than it should be to sustain a pregnancy. While my doctor didn’t seem concerned my midwife explained why she would treat me with a number like mine. I made an appointment and pushed the issue with my doctor to put me on thyroid medication.

Less than a month later we discovered I was pregnant again. We joke around that there obviously was a little soul out there who was very determined to be part of our family because I was pregnant again less than two weeks after my miscarriage. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the little one who was due today, but I feel like I know what the purpose was. If it weren’t for losing that baby I would still be in the dark about a lot of other issues I was having health wise. So while today is a rough day, I can’t help but smile when I think about our next due date rapidly approaching. I’m thankful for a midwife who knows her stuff and a doctor who listens to me and is open minded even though he may not always agree. My thyroid has been great most of my pregnancy and I have a healthy, almost full term baby that we are all so excited to meet!

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