Monthly Archives: November 2012

Dear Santa, I’d like a new body for Christmas.

Standard

Disclaimer: This post may stray into the area of whining. And I’ll probably say fuck. You’ve been warned. 

 

I’m so fucking (there it is!) tired of being sick. As a kid it was constant ear/nose/throat issues. It’s a miracle I still have my tonsils, adenoids  and other random body parts that can be taken out without issue. I’ve drank gallons of the yummy goodness that is amoxicillian. So much so that even now, at 32, I can’t resist the urge to lick my kids spoon (yes, I know, WEIRD! You all have funky parenting quirks, don’t judge) after they’ve taken their medicine, because you know, they stop giving you the yummy stuff when you’re old enough to swallow a pill. My nine year old begs me, “Never tell Dr. Thomas I can swallow pills!” I feel like I’ve had one giant sinus infection my entire life. After having Addison the mental health issues started with severe post partum depression and on occasion anxiety, which can make you feel just as “sick” as a physical illness. After Maggie it was Celiac. After Chessa the intense, rip my skin off in my sleep rash (no joke, I woke up bloody almost daily.) The rash led to allergy testing. And just when I think I’ve pin pointed what causes the rash it comes back. 

On most days I feel like this can’t be my reality. I can’t really be allergic to pork, chicken, egg, milk, peanuts, carrots, and potatoes. Oh, and throw in oral allergy syndrome, which is when your mouth, lips, tongue, and throat becomes insanely itchy directing after eating fresh fruits. Every morning when I wake up I walk down stairs stare at my fridge and think, “what the fuck am I going to eat today?” It’s depressing. It makes me irritable. I’m not a pleasant person to be around on a daily basis. My mental health is on shaky ground to begin with, and this is going to push me over the edge. So, I cope with it by saying, “Eh, a little of this won’t hurt, especially if I take my Zyrtec.” I have NO self control. None. If I’m put in front of a pizza I will eat a slice. So, socially, I stay home a lot now. There are less temptations at home. 

For a couple months now I’ve been getting this weird pain, kind of like indigestion, deep in the middle of the bottom of my ribs that I’ve always attributed to eating something I shouldn’t. I get bloated and it goes away rather quickly. Last week I had one episode that lasted about a half hour. Friday it lasted 8 hours. Intense stomach cramping, vomiting, headache, At one point I looked at Steve and told him I’d rather be in labor (and I’m pretty sure you all know how I feel about ever doing that again.) A friend mentioned my gallbladder, I did some research and every symptom fit. I had them all. It was also accompanied by the “seek emergency medical attention immediately” label. By the time I read that the episode was over and I was able to sit up a little and eat some jello and an apple. I decided if it happened again I would head to the ER before it got so bad I couldn’t move. I also read that if it was my gallbladder I should start drinking water to help flush everything out faster. Saturday morning I woke up weak and still had the headache, but I was feeling better. Sunday I ran some errands with Maggie and while we were at the grocery store I started feeling the familiar achy beginning of an episode. I bought a large bottle of water and rushed through and got just the basics we needed. By the time we got home I couldn’t carry the groceries in. The weakness was setting in. I texted Antonette to see if she could come hang with the kids. It just kept getting worse, but I kept drinking water and it was passing much quicker. By the time we got to the ER I was at the height of it, but still able to talk and sit, unlike Friday. I drank about 130 oz total during this one and it was much less severe and only lasted about 3 hours. The thing that scares me the most is how exhausted I am after it’s over. My entire body shuts down. I can’t keep my eyes open and I typically fall right to sleep. The headache and weakness lingers into the next day, but I also feel so hungry. It’s bizarre. 

Being in the ER for almost 5 hours gave me lots of time to research. While there I shifted from “Get this fucking organ out of my body so I can move on!” to “Crap, my body does kind of need it’s gallbladder, how do I fix this?” The u/s of my pancreas, liver, gallbladder, and right kidney showed nothing abnormal. My blood work showed slightly elevated white cell count, but nothing the ER doctor was worried about. So, yeah. I have heart burn according to the ER. I don’t buy it. Deep down I feel like it most likely has to do with food. But again, that brings me back to the “What the FUCK do I eat?” question. I’m feeling pretty lost right now. I know I probably need to see some sort of GI specialist, therapist, and dietitian, but considering the fact that we owe money to about 5 medical offices around town that’s not even a possibility. So, for now I’m chugging water, following my diet so strictly, and  crossing everything that it will help.

Thank you all for the prayers and good thoughts yesterday, it helped reading them even though I didn’t have the energy to write back to everyone.