Category Archives: pregnancy

D-day, dairy not delivery.

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It’s no secret that my family is a pain in the butt to feed. All of us have dairy sensitivities and some of us can’t (or shouldn’t) be eating gluten. Neither of these foods is really good for ANYONE’S bodies, but thats a whole blog post in itself! For my family dairy affects all of us differently. Alaina has behavioral issues. Noah gets ear infections. Maggie has major flare ups of her eczema. Addi is just like her Mommy and gets horrible sinus infections and congestion. I’m fairly strict with Maggie bc her symptoms are the worst, but I tend to be a little more lenient with the older three. I let them have pizza with their friends or ice cream at a party if it’s not a regular occurrence.
I, however, do not have the same discipline for myself. I just got done with a second antibiotic for a massive sinus infection. I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid so it’s fairly normal for me to feel like my head is going to explode 355 days a year. Now that I know what causes it you would think I’d avoid putting myself through that pain, but no. I like cheese. A lot. And chocolate. Yes, there are dairy free substitutes, but blech!

The only time I am serious about keeping myself dairy free is when I am nursing. I know chances are my babies will not be able to tolerate it, which means lots of sleepless nights and cranky days for everyone. Dairy can take two weeks to leave your system completely, and with the ever so slight chance my body goes into labor at 38 weeks (go ahead, laugh, I did while typing that) 36 weeks is my cut off. It’s the day I dread most every pregnancy. I mentally prepare myself for weeks. That day was yesterday, and bc the universe hates me my best friend from the age of 11 made her husband four cheesecakes for his 30th birthday party last night. Pretty sure that’s the first time I ever turned down cheesecake. I did drool the whole way home though. And I might have eaten a giant handful of Ghiradelli chocolate chips. Thank God for Ghiradelli.

A bittersweet day

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A few days after my 31st birthday last June I had an odd feeling. Not sure what it was, but I had the overwhelming feeling I should take a pregnancy test and I’m not sure why I was so shocked by the results! I moved from shocked to pure excitement in a few short minutes and immediately figured out my due date…February 23, 2012. It was a HUGE surprise, but for an only child who has always longed for a large family I couldn’t help but be excited along with the worry of how we would squeeze one more body into our already cozy house. Steve wasn’t nearly as thrilled as I was! Lol

As any expectant parent knows from the moment that little pink plus sign appears you start visualizing that child’s future. You have feelings on gender, and names, and hair color. Who he will look like, which sibling he’ll act like. I had a blissful three days day dreaming of our new baby, but we didn’t run out and tell everyone like before. We told just a handful of people because we worried a lot about the judgement that was sure to follow. We felt it with Maggie so it was only expected to happen with a 5th child!

On June 19th we had a fun evening with neighbors, joking around about another baby, playing games, and letting the kids enjoy a movie night with friends. When our neighbors left I realized I was spotting. That happened with Alaina so while I was a bit worried I wasn’t thinking the worst. I ran to the store and bought another pregnancy test and let a out a sigh of relief when the pink lines showed up immediately. I went to bed, and slept well but when I woke up the next morning I just knew I was miscarrying.

I called my midwife and my family doctor, had blood work done, and learned my hormone levels were close to zero. It was confusing how I had even gotten a positive the night before. Along with my hormone levels we tested some other things and I learned that my thyroid was out of whack, higher than it should be to sustain a pregnancy. While my doctor didn’t seem concerned my midwife explained why she would treat me with a number like mine. I made an appointment and pushed the issue with my doctor to put me on thyroid medication.

Less than a month later we discovered I was pregnant again. We joke around that there obviously was a little soul out there who was very determined to be part of our family because I was pregnant again less than two weeks after my miscarriage. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the little one who was due today, but I feel like I know what the purpose was. If it weren’t for losing that baby I would still be in the dark about a lot of other issues I was having health wise. So while today is a rough day, I can’t help but smile when I think about our next due date rapidly approaching. I’m thankful for a midwife who knows her stuff and a doctor who listens to me and is open minded even though he may not always agree. My thyroid has been great most of my pregnancy and I have a healthy, almost full term baby that we are all so excited to meet!

It’s like getting socks.

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When you’re little Christmas morning is something you look forward to for months. Heck, I’m almost 30 years old and still haven’t stopped! You dream about those packages under the tree and try to imagine what will be inside them. It’s one of the most exciting days of the year! So, imagine when you wake up and run to the tree and every single present you open is socks. Not even pretty, fuzzy, cozy socks. Plain white ankle socks. That was today in a nutshell.

When I went to my midwife for my first prenatal appointment I had to fill out the standard mess of paperwork. One of those papers stated I needed to decide then whether or not I wanted a 3D ultrasound for an extra fee that would not be covered by insurance. This is our last baby. It was a very unplanned pregnancy so the bonding I felt right from the beginning with this baby has been minimal. Because of this there was never a doubt in my mind that we would do the 3D. I didn’t want to know the sex this time around so getting a small glimpse at his/her face has been on my mind for months. 

We went in the room and as soon as she put the wand on my belly the tech says, “The baby’s hands are up in front of the face so there are going to be a lot of black shadows. ” She showed us a foot once and a hand once. The rest of the time was spent hovering around trying to get some face shots. Everything was a big blurry mess. I don’t know if the quality of their machine is bad or if the tech was just bored with trying and didn’t really care what she gave us as long as she gave us something, but whatever the reason I feel completely cheated out of my time and money. I do remember thinking at one point that the baby resembles Noah and that it had chubby cheeks, but I watch the video back that the tech gave us and none of those clearer shots are even on there.  I don’t know what the hell she was recording, but most of the time you can’t even tell it’s a baby. Steve and I sat here tonight trying to make light of the situation a bit and managed to come up with about 10 other things the baby looked like, a pumpkin, a cat, and Michael Jackson, to name a few. It was like when you lay and watch clouds and make pictures out of them.

When we had our regular 20 week ultrasound this same tech did a great job explaining what everything was that we were looking at, but she gave us a couple of mediocre pictures. I went through the video and took still screen shots to get some great pics to show people. I was hoping to be able to do the same this time around, but there’s nothing. It’s a big blur of sepia tones.  I will be mentioning to my midwife at my next appointment (in TWO weeks. Holy crap I’m on bi-weekly appointments now!) that they need to show sample pictures of what to expect during this ultrasound because had I known how poor the quality would be there’s no way I would ever done it. I can think of a heck of a lot of other things to spend $100 on. I left there in tears and have been crying on and off all night. I keep staring at the pictures trying to feel something. Trying to see something. If you look closely at a few of them you can make out some blurry facial features, but after Googling 3D ultrasound images and staring in wonder at the pictures other woman got to see of their babies it just makes me even more upset.

Some of you are probably reading this thinking, “Well, that sucks but it doesn’t sound nearly as bad as she’s making it out to be.”  What else was going on in the room while getting this totally shitty ultrasound?

Alaina was hiding behind a chair crying because the baby was “scary” and “looked like a witch.”  She refused to look at the screen. She whimpered the entire time she wasn’t crying and was trying to pull herself up onto the table with me. A table, mind you, that barely I fit on by myself. She was too hot. She was too tired. She wanted to go play in the waiting room. Should I keep going?? I think the fact that this baby is real came crashing into her brain when that ultrasound machine came on and we’ve been dealing with the fall out all night. I’m trying to stay patient with her and I know I need to address these fears and concerns that she’s acting out, but I could barely keep myself from being weepy all night so I knew I would just get frustrated with her if I tried to get to the bottom of her fears tonight.

Addison was laying across two chairs pretending she was sleeping and loudly fake snoring. Then she had to go potty. Then she looked at the screen for about 30 seconds. Then she had to go potty. Followed by more fake snoring and sleeping.

Noah. Well, Noah was being Noah. Most of you have had the pleasure of meeting and spending at least 5 minutes with my little man. He’s an adorable pain in the ass.

Then Steve got a work related phone call halfway through letting him know that while he was gone a worker hit a gas line out on his project that completely shut down 33 in front of Concord Mall. So then I start worrying about how the hell I’m going to figure out how to get home. Elkhart and I do not get along when it comes to driving directions.

Oh, and the baby’s breech. And I had to get labs drawn. All around craptastic day.

41 weeks

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You get flash face today, because it’s much more pleasant than the actual expressions on my face right now. I’m 41 weeks 1 day today. The count down has started and if he’s not here by Tuesday I have to report to the hospital at 9:00 am for an induction. I’ve got a whole slew of emotions about having to do that and none of them are good. The only plus is that they will just break my water, not start pitocin so I shouldn’t have to be hooked up to all those damn monitors. Every time I think about having to be induced for the third time I start to cry and get upset so I’ve just stopped thinking about it and am trying to focus on the fact that he still has three more days to come on his own, but it’s not working so well.
Yesterday at my appointment I was 4 cm and she stripped my membranes. I had to do a non-stress test and Noah is fine, which I figured. The kid never stops moving. I also went for a second round of acupuncture. I had lots of contractions over the course of the day and night but once again I’m still pregnant today. I’m tired of these contractions. I’m tired of having them every.single.night. and waking up pregnant the next morning. I’m tired of losing my mucus plug only to have it regenerate itself so I can lose it again a few days later. I’m just tired of being tired and my good mood and positive attitude are fading fast. At my appointment Julia said she didn’t think I’d make it through the weekend, but I’m certainly not getting my hopes up because I’ve felt that way for the last 3 or four nights now. I don’t know why my body just won’t do what the hell it’s supposed to do and I hate that I now have a timetable for that to happen. I’m just sad and bummed right now which is making it hard to even be excited that he’ll be here by Tuesday.

Are you nesting?

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Everytime someone asks me this I just laugh. It’s a never ending thing these days. Most of you who read know me well enough to know that I detest cleaning. Hate it. With a passion. I will wait until no one has underwear to do laundry and until we are down to plastic forks to do dishes. Here are the random things I can remember from the last couple months.
~I’ve reupholstered 3 of the 6 dining room chairs (the others have to wait for this carpal tunnel to go away!)
~I’ve scrubbed just about every floor on my hands and knees.
~Laundry. Yes, you heard that correctly. Christina has been doing laundry. I told Steve not to get too used to it, but right now I’ve got a very limited number of clothes that actually keep this belly under cover!
~Dishes. I know, I can hear you all gasping. This one even surprised me.
~I’ve washed the fronts of all my kitchen cabinets and appliances.
~Rearranged the furniture in most of the rooms. However, Steve really likes how I’ve done the family room and front room this time so I didn’t get in too much trouble.
~Painted and repainted Noah’s room.
~Weeded all my flower beds.
~Scrubbed the kids playhouse and pool.
~Last Monday I got 10 meals in my freezer for after Noah comes. With both the girls we ended up eating out a lot, and I just felt like crap after eating all that junk.
~Today I’m washing windows, dusting, cleaning the floors again, and doing laundry. Oh, and it’s too damn rainy to go to the store so I’m finally taking a stab at homemade cleaners. So far so good! I’ve made a floor cleaner and window cleaner. Let’s just hope my Flip It likes the floor cleaner as much as I do b/c it would suck if that thing broke!
~Oh, and I have to repack my hospital bags today. I’ve been using stuff out of the kids bag randomly since I stuck them in the car and my bag just needs so tweaking since I’ll be at the hospital instead of birth center.

Yeah, I suppose you could say I’m nesting.

Oh, and I’m bored again, but have been banned by Steve from rearranging furniture again so once the kids eat and are watching their movie I have a box of hair dye calling my name in the bathroom upstairs! Yeah! Furniture and Hair. Why couldn’t I have some other obsession?

Steve is convinced I’m having the baby today. He has said the 19th for weeks now, and since he’s a typical man he’s of course convinced there’s no way he will be wrong. He’s never wrong. *rolls eyes*

I’ve never been this pregnant before!

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40 weeks! Had an appointment this morning. The nurse walked in the room, looked at my chart and said, “OH, it’s your day today!” I laughed and said, “Ha! I wish!” She said, “Well it’s your due date.” to which I responded, “Yeah, if only someone would have let the baby know that!” I’m 2cm dilated, 50% effaced, and he’s still way up at a -3 station. Beth asked if I had any signs that labor may be near. I told her I have no idea! LOL Having never actually gone into labor on my own I have no clue. I’ve been really nauseous and have lost two pounds this week. I feel like I’m back in the beginning stages of morning sickness. It’s the worst at night, so I’m keeping this short so I can head to bed. I just got the girls in bed and Steve is off seeing the new Batman movie so I can actually get to bed early tonight. Oh, yeah, that’s another thing that’s bothering me. I cannot sleep. It sucks. I wake up randomly each night and just can’t go back to sleep. Last night I was up from about 2:30-4:30. I keep having these very vivid dreams about labor and the baby and they keep me from sleeping. Did you know that Phoebe, from Friends, is a midwife and that Noah is going to come out the size of a 4 month old? Oh, and I’m also going to give birth in my sleep and wake up and find him laying in bed with me. If only. These are just a few random examples of the fun dreams I’ve had. Although, sometimes my waking up is due to the fact that I haven’t really eaten during the day and I have to have my standard bagel with butter and cinnamon sugar to get back to bed. 😛

Aside from that I’m actually feeling really good! I never thought I’d be saying that while on the verge of being overdue. I think it’s awfully cruel to give a woman a specific date. You should get a “due month” instead, because technically you aren’t “over due” until 42 weeks. I’m just trying to enjoy what little sleep I am getting because I know that number is going to dwindle very quickly once Noah’s here. They are much easier to take care of when they are in the belly, not out.

Oh, one more thing I wanted to write about (this is not nearly as short as I expected!)-Yesterday I was getting the girls settled in for a movie in the afternoon and the phone rang. It was my osteopathic doctor, Angela. She said that she had thought about me when she heard about the Birth Center and just wanted to call to see if I was ok and tell how great her experiences at Goshen Hospital had been. She told me a little about her first birth with the midwives and reassured me that they will still make sure I get the birth I want even at the hospital. I am seriously amazed at how much my doctors/midwives actually care about me. They don’t have to look at my chart to remember my name. They don’t tell me the same information over and over again b/c they can’t remember if they have told me already. They know my baby’s name and refer to him as Noah in conversation. They know how much my girls love helping out and so they help lift them up and down off chairs to be their assistants. They know my biggest fears about birth and are doing everything they can to make me not afraid. When I have appointments with them I truly feel like I am their only patient. I was seriously a big ball of emotions when I got off the phone with her. Never before have I had a medical professional take time out of their schedule to just call and chat to see how I’m feeling. I’ve just been speechless at how I am treated and told Steve that if we ever move I would love to move closer to the Goshen area b/c everyone I’ve ever dealt with had just been fantastic.
That’s all for tonight. I’m heading up before it gets dark enough for me to see this full moon that is supposedly going to put me into labor 🙂

Better late than never

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I wasn’t in the blogging mood last week, so here is my 39 week picture, a week late 🙂 Tomorrow is my due date, and Noah is still hanging in there. I had contractions all day yesterday, but after a lovely pedicure

and ice cream with my friends they went away and I’m still here today! I’ll update after my appointment tomorrow morning.

p.s. I don’t think I’ll ever paint my own toenails again, even when I can reach them 😛 Thanks for my birthday present Tracy!